Why do we sometimes do some things some way. Why do we sometimes think of not talking, or have a conversation or not pick a call. Why do we sometimes not want to say something but keep it within ourselves, whatever it is that we want to or not want to speak. Why don’t we sometimes want to make friends or have coffee or tea or whatever it is that we drink. After all, it is human to speak, to interact. Why then do we sometimes hate another person to the extent that the words, even before them being spoken, are treated with a kind of disinterest.
Many years ago when I was a child, I used to enclose myself inside a box of insecurities. There were always restrictions on everything I intended to do, and these restrictions were self made. I used to search for that one reason to not do what I wanted to do, or not say what I wanted to say. It had come to a point where I was the only one waiting like a fool in the end, unsure as to what was it that needed to be done, rather than doing what I could. I used to be stuck in a situation wondering what do I do. The blame was all mine, because I knew in the back of my head what I needed to do, but when it came to actually doing it, I used to restrict myself. I wanted to be invisible.
I knew it was up to me to unlock myself from the chains I had wound myself in, and be free from these thoughts. But it took me a lot of effort and a long time to be free from the unwanted reality. I knew I could turn things around whatever the situation, but I used to hide this belief under my skin, and not expose it to the world to show what I really was. I kept restricting myself on various occasions, like it was some kind of a disease. I knew it was wrong and I needed to correct it. It had eaten up my entire life, and it never took me far. There was a time when I let most of my restrictions go, but the symptoms were still present and I was still holding on to some of them, so as to not affect the other people involved. I didn’t realize then that it was one of the greatest thing to have an affect on someone’s life. I used to let others evolve and change around me but I had put a stop on my evolution for a long time. Change was something I had always believed in but I hadn’t really applied that to myself when I first stepped out in to the world to live.
As time passed, I saw new things, I met new people. I slowly started changing. I was the one living with me all the time, and I was not happy with the way I used to conduct myself. I realized I couldn’t continue with how I lived. I stopped and I pondered, which explained a few things that had me bothered for quite a few years. It was simple, but until and unless someone laid it out for me to see, I was blinded by the confused reality in front of me. I decided to stop being the way I was, and I have not stopped changing since. I realized that life goes on; it is only us who decide to stop living and be stuck in a moment, whether good or bad. There can be numerous things which interests us, and a lot others which don’t. Ignoring the ones that don’t interest us is painstakingly hard, but doing the things that interests us is easy.
So, I stopped bothering about the things that I don’t have any interest in, and began to fill my thoughts completely with the things that interested me. I never stopped living after that. I realized the journey of life is long, even if the life itself isn’t. Making it a pleasant one is up to us. So pick up that call which you have been avoiding for a long time, or have that conversation, or go have that coffee, or make new friends. Do whatever it is that you want to do. Do what interests you without thinking what would happen. Only when it happens is when you know. You might end up opening a whole new interesting life you have been missing.
The Ghost 